Morning Meditations #123: Tomato-basil-parmasan-eggplant Ice Cream on Your Tofu Steak

I don’t know what to write about today. I just know that I want to write. It is just one of those mornings when I don’t feel inspired by any of my activities. Maybe it’s just the college and elementary school schedules settling in, slowly incubating into mundane, daily events— the quotidian. Although, as Richard Dawkins once pointed out, “mundane” derives from the Latin “mundus,” meaning of the world or world (apparently, is also used for “clean” in the language), and the process of being a part of the world is anything but mundane.

Morning Meditations #122: Pity Parties and Book Reviews

The first cool weather and real wood fire of the season. The last fires I built were on my summer meditation and writing retreat the past June. We roasted marshmallows, and Ivy played with burnt sticks to mark up the fence. So sweet.

I felt pretty low yesterday.  Kinda selfish considering I get to start a couple of classes this week, but I’ve used most of my financial aid available to undergraduates. Don’t know how I am going to afford it.  I guess I am lucky to get anything considering I have had a degree for 16 months now. Not that degrees do anybody any good if you have a wretched back but aren’t considered disabled. I had a compassionate guy from workforce a couple of days ago suggest that I volunteer in retail to get my foot in the door. I had to respond with undetected sarcasm to prevent self-loathing from setting in, “Whoa, I hadn’t thought of that yet.”

Morning Meditations #121: The Many “I” That I Contain

I cannot wait to get back into this game. It is almost time too. Time to start prepping the winter’s ricks, perfect timing with my workouts becoming more important to my weekly routine. So excited for fires and the swinging axe.

I couldn’t sleep last night. The old love was present. It’s so funny how a year later it can still be so painful. Brains are silly creatures, full of activity, giving rise to perception and the self. The very thought I am in pain, is already loaded with things we’re taking for granted and assuming. Think about how lucky we must be to even utter those words, and then enjoy how utterly nonsensical it is to think that thought.

Morning Meditations #120: The Next 365

“The Red-Tape-for-Money Blues” could be a song for millions. Not that I mind. As a single parent, I have chosen to be in a lot of state and federal programs to bring in resources. SNAP, Pre-K vouchers, and Arkansas Rehabilitation have all been a part of the strategy. As many of you know, in order to receive services one must have work of some kind. If you are a student, parent, or immigrant there are changes the nature of what someone might have to do or keep track of things during this process. I am an independent artist, as well as a student this year. So there is a lot of red tape to sort through. I’d say I’m at about 80% efficiency since being out of the university world for 15 months, but I believe the rate will increase quickly.

Morning Meditations #119: Fictions of Our Friends

After writing the bubbling thoughts MM† a few days ago. Some really productive stuff has been coming through. The type of thoughts that you notice when you’re practicing, you take an especially good look at, and then let go after careful study. Whether it be a specific new way to try to compose fiction when the task of novel writing can seem daunting at times. Or perhaps it could be a new way to market my writing and the writing of others at The Free Thinking Press. Sometimes the thoughts are the fiction.

Morning Meditations #118: A Time of Power

A panoramic from the standing desk to my writing desk. The book shelves to the left are the ones that replaced my 10,000 lbs TV that just got bounced. What a better use for space than that nappy-ass behemoth. Not to mention, look at all the book space that has opened up. Loving the decision thus far.

Ivy starts school in three days. I start back on campus shortly after that. I am really stoked that the summer is coming to a close. They’re always times of struggle for me. This was a mild summer to say the least, so many wins professionally and personally. Yet, I still felt powerless most of the time. When I say that, it doesn’t mean what it usually means. Think of it more literally. I felt powerless most of the time, despite being very productive. I felt powerless although I revealed some of my most powerful aspects. This is likely a hangover or perception conditioning considering how many of the last 8 summers have gone. Almost a decade of summers meaning two things, loss and less.

Morning Meditations #117: Bubbling of Thoughts

The standing desk may have benefited most from moving the television. Doings so allowed me to scooting my dressing back. The desk is far more comfortable to work at now. “One thing leads to another” is an observation about causation.

May have stayed up too late night before last. But there was lots to tend to so, you know, worth it. Finally moved the giant, 10,000 pound, dead TV outta my room. In its place is now a bookshelf. I think I am going to try this no-television-in-the-bedroom thing. I’ve had a lot of people try to kick down their old TVs to me, said no to all of them. I have the laptop if I have a need for Netflix or YouTube. There are activities that accompany well with some background entertainment. Those will move to the living room now. I also think that’s a good thing.

Morning Meditations: #116: Keep Your Head on a Swivel

Over the last week, I have been wrapped up in a new venture. Some of you will have noticed my studio partner and myself at local music venues with a bunch of video camera gear. This is an exciting new time in my life. I have been a video and DVD composer for years, but was never inspired to make any of it public. Mostly because it has always been ripped documentaries and porn. Now, in collaborative efforts, this shit is about to start rolling out, business cards are on the way, editing workflow is becoming more smooth, yes things are afoot. So, if you are out on the town, keep your head on a swivel, Capture Crew could be near by.

Morning Meditations #115: Two Thoughts, One Old and One New

The books on the bed are all current. Blue and black hardback, “Daring Greatly”~Brené Brown; Red spine, “Consciousness Explained”~Daniel C. Dennett; the other two covers reveal themselves. That is my second translation of the Tao., and my seventh Pratchett book in as many months.

A couple of things were on my mind during this morning’s meditation. One, being meditation. Well, meditative techniques that is. And the second thing is minimalism. It could appear that these things are connected, but outside of both being thoughts within me and the goals generated they aren’t really. One notion has been with me for a very long time (subjective considering the length of my life). The the other hasn’t been in my mind much until the last 8 months. Neither are very western concepts, and I imagine my social and familial environments will openly support the new, and already do the old, but both are made more difficult by the environment.

Morning Meditations #114: The Stolen Bicycle

This is my current evening meditation environment. So this is the lighting while the scent of freshly burned Nag Champa lingers in the room. Peaceful.

Seven days ago, at this very moment, I was barely conscious from pain. A shell of myself, I had turned on the BBC series Life Story, which would be followed by Life. The illness lasted long enough for me to “watch” these magnificent displays of entertainment back to back without interruption. I imagine I am not alone when I reveal David Attenborough’s voice soothes nigh unequivocally. I have only known one other voice that has inspired such an effect in me. The pain wasn’t going to leave me for another twelve hours, so the marathon run of nature documentaries provided a mix of natural sounds, beautiful music, and a soothing voice swaddling me with an auditory blanket to ease my sufferings. This sickness wouldn’t end up being the most traumatic event of the last seven days.