Finally, a step taken right from the AA list that needs no adaptation. Excited by this one, I believe this is one of the reasons for the success of AA throughout the years. Despite my dislike for short intro paragraph, getting right to the point serves me well today.Read More »
I’ve spent some of this morning reading blogs and articles from various psychology with a tag of of “psychology,” and I find myself disturbed. Not disturbed in a way the band name is suggesting or in a way that many of the psychology sites might seem to suggest. No, I am disturbed in a way that one is disturbed when watching a Die Antwoord video. Inspired and put off at the same time. What is the reason for this disturbance. In a word, perspective.
Article after article seems to give all kinds of advice. A blog I subscribe to called “Make It Ultra” published a piece called “How to Set Healthy Bounderies” today and it struck me as a little problematic. But, I took the article at face value, understanding that some people were going to get a few good thoughts from it. No reason to be concerned, right? That was until I kept scrolling and found this on the same blog, “How to Deal With Social Vampires.” After further analysis of these two pieces, I was rather disturbed at a language trick, which had my hackles raised and me uncomfortable before I really knew what was up. I looked at a few more blogs on this page and found the same problem: they seem to be saying “you” a lot, but are advising people to point the finger outward. I said aloud, “This is dangerous psychology.” Telling people to put up boundaries can be useful, sometimes necessary, and it might be a good idea to watch out for “social vampires” as they are defined within, but that’s only half of the story.
We have all been on the flip side.
Yes, you have been a social vampire and have rudely crossed many boundaries. Nowhere in the articles did the author mention that truth. Over half of the battle in dealing with psychological issues is eliminating them within ourselves. If we, each individual, were never acting as a social vamp, when would it be useful to point one out or discuss healthy ways to deal with them? If everyone would learn more about respecting other’s boundaries the number of boundary crossers would go down immensely—leaving only accidental crossings. Those can be forgiven quickly.
I am not suggesting that the blog is a bad blog, or that the author is shortsighted. This is not the only source for this concern. Psychology Today published an article about boundaries in August of 2016 titled, “4 Ways to Set and Keep Your Personal Boundaries… and how to get yourself out when all efforts fail.” This is a better article than the blog post, yet there it was again, ignoring completely the issue of when the reader may have crossed boundaries or how to cross less themselves. There is no doubt sometimes we wish to erect boundaries against those we have offended or tried to manipulate—keep in mind manipulation takes many forms and is often not a “conscious” behavior. And, even with these criticisms I believe these authors are likely helping people deal with genuine issues for which they didn’t know how or where to start. But to all the future would be psychology writers, remember to challenge your audience, to have them look in the mirror first. What can you do for yourself, and concerning yourself, before pointing fingers outwardly. Don’t be only willing to acknowledge when we are abused or minimally ignored, but also know when we are the abusers, and we should hold ourselves accountable first before making the mistake of manipulating others with what we think are boundaries, when they may just be excuses to disconnect from what would be healthy connection.
I recommend hard determinism as a tool to begin a new era of personal realization. See my series Biosophics Anonymous for more guidance of what I see as a healthier way to see the lives we lead.
Are the religious fundamentalists of our time and throughout recorded history ill? Research conducted over the last few decades may suggest as much. It is well documented that religious fundamentalism is often used by violent criminals, societies, and abusive individuals as the motivation to behave in socially detrimental ways. Whether the example is of Deanna Laney, who killed two of her children by bludgeoning them to death with a rock, or of Syed Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik of the San Bernardino shootings in early December last year, the high cost of violent and abusive behavior seemingly motivated by a deep-rooted religious belief is, at this juncture, historical.Read More »
Now that we’re off and running, it is time to start applying our new-found methods of seeing the world into action. The first two steps have readied our minds to start making hard changes. Our addiction to free will has led to potentially dangerous misunderstanding of the world around us and even of our own behaviors. That’s why we are participating in this program—better living through a more clear understanding of our own lives.Read More »
One of the largest and most troublesome issues facing modern life and the future of the species may very well be the mind itself. More than just a brain, the mind is also our output. What we say, how we behave, and the way we interpret the world around us. This has led to the failing of police systems, the joke of a government possessed here in the United States, and the problems of inequality and bigotry. How to change the world has always been a huge question of mine, which I believe needs an answer. So to further that goal, I have had an idea.Read More »
A mind is a terrible thing—to underestimate. And, from the beginning of recorded history man has used one primary mechanism to make this mistake. We call it philosophy. A recent internet meme popped through my featuring four words: Philosophy, Theology, Metaphysics, and Science. The meme used a “searching for a black cat in a dark room” analogue to highlight why the first three are flawed ways of seeking information, leaving science the sole winner in this comparison of thought. I happen to agree. There was only one comment, that I saw anyway, successfully linking one methodology to Science, and it was philosophy.Read More »
We are all familiar with an ideal intrinsic to the nation’s identity, “the pursuit of happiness.” Since this phrase, coined by John Locke1, became popularized in the late 18th century, its become something the US culture has deemed a right. Even when the pursuit of happiness seems unachievable, there is a notion that you should keep seeking it. This is represented in media and marketing at a rampant rate. Try entering “Happiness” to any search engine for books, you will be assaulted with thousands upon thousands of titles. I tried it with Amazon, as of today 233,832 results come up in the 3.5 seconds it took for the screen to populate. Read More »
Everybody has heard the term New Media. It started to be a buzzword even before the turn of the millenium, a new way to consume media, a new way to create media, and part and parcel of the newness was an unwashed throng of commoners that wanted to create and consume news and other programming […]
My tired mind almost caved this morning. There were voices trying to convince me that I could cheat this morning, giving in to my drowsiness and sleeping in, which by all accounts I did, as one foot wouldn’t fall in front of another until 04:25. Those little voices try to tell everybody what to do, don’t they? Think back to times when you’ve had to make a choice, and it is literally like having an argument, scratch that, it is usually more like hearing an argument between two personal impersonators. It seems most people believe this is the process of them choosing, like they have control over the little voices in their heads.Read More »
Another Sunday is upon us. The weekend, which had some interesting twists and turns, will end one of the most productive weeks in years.
One of my musician clients landed a sponsorship deal that will make the venue we work out of even more friendly. Which isn’t to say that this venue hasn’t been friendly, quite the contrary. But, the addition of a sponsorship (the first of many to come we hope) along with the residency at this venue has been a huge windfall. It is rare that I bathe in good news, and while that is some of it from this week, there is more.Read More »