This Is a Call To My Christian Cohort

See, I’m not scared to quote this book.  This is a great passage for the times from the second most famous book in the Pentateuch.

I am an openly antitheistic person.  This means my writings and social media agenda is to bring data and evidence to reveal the superstitions we call religions, are likely harmful.  It is also the stance theology isn’t a science, rather it seems to be propaganda through rationalization.  I will debate and expose, research and write about this mission until my mind and fingers cease. 

Yet, I beg, “Parlay!”  Read More »

Morning Meditations #125: Into the Limelight, Again

mm-125Hello again.

This is one of the longest writing breaks I’ve taken in several years.  A number of reasons could be given: finishing up the last semester, a new relationship, and the holidays are all potential reasons.  Maybe I’ve also been blocked.  But, as I haven’t really sought a writing outlet recently, I don’t think the term blocked applies.  Perhaps there has been a lack of inspiration.  It seems unlikely.  There was this whole presidential election thing and now, with tons of moral issues that could be addressed, I might ought to be very vocal concerning the new president-elect and his coming moves.  I mean, I think it’s silly, Donald Trump as prez, but I admit that isn’t enough, in and of itself, to drive me to the keyboard daily.  Read More »

Out the Other Side

Many will recognize one of the sculpture from the castle at Wilson Park here in F-town. For those that don’t, this is one of the places I grew up seeing. Also helped make me who I am today.

“What am I writing for?”  I spent a few moments before I began writing this.  These moments were spent trying to think about what I am actually writing about.  Or, as the title would suggest, what is my purpose for writing?  See, I’ve taken the last few months off of writing for An Arkansas Atheist and The Free Thinking Press, and freely admitting, it’s been due to a bit of a writing crisis.  Perhaps more than that too.  Maybe a creative crisis.  Maybe a lifestyle crisis.  There is little to no way of really knowing, I could have any or all of those going on right now, but ninety counselors would see ninety different Rances on any given day.  It isn’t the subject matter either.

Even though a novel will bear my name sooner than later, my focus subjects are still the ones most passionately followed; religion is still foolishness.

The mind-brain connection remains a great mystery and must be better understood for quality of life to be maximized on this planet.  As well, I still am loving wholeheartedly despite taking a recent haymaker.  Determinism makes the most sense to me of all the philosophies, and my struggles with mental health are still a point of strength within my life.  So what’s been missing?

Yoga and meditation also stopped when my writing stopped.  Health has been less of a focus lately.   And I have been on FB 10 times in a more than a month.  Strange.  I am not sure what is more important to what anymore.  It seems more than silly to write an MM when I am not in fact meditating.  I have been rather busy living “The Story of An Arkansas Atheist,” which explains why I am not trying to compose those entries right now.  My FB page had been understandably devoid of quotes via The Bible, so haven’t had a lot of fodder there (although last night somebody through one right at my face).  Blog numbers were down anyway, this being an election year means people’s attempts to alleviate concerns regarding fulfilled living and self-forgiveness will be searched for at the polling stations and during presidential debates.  Funny how so many turn from the mirror to watch the a spectacle.  Only to realize that since they last looked in the mirror, they have changed.  Not me.  I turned from the ruckus to stare into the mirror, and have been more than pleased with the changes felt, noticed, and witnessed.

why-2By giving voice to these newly observed states of self, the products of a year of change can now really be seen.  Oh, there have been setbacks, heartbreak, and anger, but by giving all these life situations a safe space within myself, I don’t feel the rage and fear like I used to, or if I do, they don’t affect me with so much suffering.  Yet, in some ways this goodness has been a badness.

There is less of my classic motivators, rage and pain, giving me less to write about.  By calm and steady progress, I am back on some type of academic track.  My academic form is rusty, but it has been a great experience except for a few failures.

As well, my creative side has found many outlets considering Capture Crew videos are coming out as well as The Songwriters Circle’s videos.

why-34I composed most of this in Peenemunde, my home away from home.  I consider that place my savior.  I’ve had a few great friends through all of this, but nothing does for me what my sanctuary can do.

Ivy is cruising through 1st grade with smiles and energy.  Life has thrown some crazy shit at me, but I have chucked it right back.  So much beauty and creativity has been present in my life over the last couple of months, it has been a lot to lose, but even the hard to accept and painful seem less excruciating to overcome.

While there are some things in this existence that cannot be sorted out with a few tears and a few reasons to smile, I hope to have a life populated with ones that can.  So far, for now, I am getting that done.  And it makes me proud to be me.

Morning Meditations #123: Tomato-basil-parmasan-eggplant Ice Cream on Your Tofu Steak

MM 123I don’t know what to write about today. I just know that I want to write. It is just one of those mornings when I don’t feel inspired by any of my activities. Maybe it’s just the college and elementary school schedules settling in, slowly incubating into mundane, daily events— the quotidian. Although, as Richard Dawkins once pointed out, “mundane” derives from the Latin “mundus,” meaning of the world or world (apparently, is also used for “clean” in the language), and the process of being a part of the world is anything but mundane. Read More »

Morning Meditations #122: Pity Parties and Book Reviews

MM 122
The first cool weather and real wood fire of the season. The last fires I built were on my summer meditation and writing retreat the past June. We roasted marshmallows, and Ivy played with burnt sticks to mark up the fence. So sweet.

I felt pretty low yesterday.  Kinda selfish considering I get to start a couple of classes this week, but I’ve used most of my financial aid available to undergraduates. Don’t know how I am going to afford it.  I guess I am lucky to get anything considering I have had a degree for 16 months now. Not that degrees do anybody any good if you have a wretched back but aren’t considered disabled. I had a compassionate guy from workforce a couple of days ago suggest that I volunteer in retail to get my foot in the door. I had to respond with undetected sarcasm to prevent self-loathing from setting in, “Whoa, I hadn’t thought of that yet.”Read More »

Morning Meditations #120: The Next 365

MM 120“The Red-Tape-for-Money Blues” could be a song for millions. Not that I mind. As a single parent, I have chosen to be in a lot of state and federal programs to bring in resources. SNAP, Pre-K vouchers, and Arkansas Rehabilitation have all been a part of the strategy. As many of you know, in order to receive services one must have work of some kind. If you are a student, parent, or immigrant there are changes the nature of what someone might have to do or keep track of things during this process. I am an independent artist, as well as a student this year. So there is a lot of red tape to sort through. I’d say I’m at about 80% efficiency since being out of the university world for 15 months, but I believe the rate will increase quickly.Read More »

Morning Meditations: #116: Keep Your Head on a Swivel

IMG_2467Over the last week, I have been wrapped up in a new venture. Some of you will have noticed my studio partner and myself at local music venues with a bunch of video camera gear. This is an exciting new time in my life. I have been a video and DVD composer for years, but was never inspired to make any of it public. Mostly because it has always been ripped documentaries and porn. Now, in collaborative efforts, this shit is about to start rolling out, business cards are on the way, editing workflow is becoming more smooth, yes things are afoot. So, if you are out on the town, keep your head on a swivel, Capture Crew could be near by.Read More »

Morning Meditations #114: The Stolen Bicycle

MM 114
This is my current evening meditation environment. So this is the lighting while the scent of freshly burned Nag Champa lingers in the room. Peaceful.

Seven days ago, at this very moment, I was barely conscious from pain. A shell of myself, I had turned on the BBC series Life Story, which would be followed by Life. The illness lasted long enough for me to “watch” these magnificent displays of entertainment back to back without interruption. I imagine I am not alone when I reveal David Attenborough’s voice soothes nigh unequivocally. I have only known one other voice that has inspired such an effect in me. The pain wasn’t going to leave me for another twelve hours, so the marathon run of nature documentaries provided a mix of natural sounds, beautiful music, and a soothing voice swaddling me with an auditory blanket to ease my sufferings. This sickness wouldn’t end up being the most traumatic event of the last seven days.Read More »

Morning Meditations #111: Before Dawn Once Again

RE Camera
I cannot wait to return here soon. Haven’t been back since the 13th of June. I am always worried about what may have gone wrong since my last visit. If the grass is being mowed, have any liquid containers burst in the summer heat? Soon. Very soon.

The old habit came back easily. It might be a stretch to call any of my newer habits old at this point, but— I am already tripping over my words. Haven’t done the 04:20 wake up in a few months, and I sure as DNA haven’t been writing before 05:00 since the spring. Damn it feels good. I mean it too. Maybe it’s just pride in my self-control, but I feel really powerful, perhaps a little sleepy too. A little sleepy can be handled under these conditions, which is to say the conditions of health. There is a major difference this time, and it is not a trivial one.Read More »