Finally, a step taken right from the AA list that needs no adaptation. Excited by this one, I believe this is one of the reasons for the success of AA throughout the years. Despite my dislike for short intro paragraph, getting right to the point serves me well today.Read More »
I’ve spent some of this morning reading blogs and articles from various psychology with a tag of of “psychology,” and I find myself disturbed. Not disturbed in a way the band name is suggesting or in a way that many of the psychology sites might seem to suggest. No, I am disturbed in a way that one is disturbed when watching a Die Antwoord video. Inspired and put off at the same time. What is the reason for this disturbance. In a word, perspective.
Article after article seems to give all kinds of advice. A blog I subscribe to called “Make It Ultra” published a piece called “How to Set Healthy Bounderies” today and it struck me as a little problematic. But, I took the article at face value, understanding that some people were going to get a few good thoughts from it. No reason to be concerned, right? That was until I kept scrolling and found this on the same blog, “How to Deal With Social Vampires.” After further analysis of these two pieces, I was rather disturbed at a language trick, which had my hackles raised and me uncomfortable before I really knew what was up. I looked at a few more blogs on this page and found the same problem: they seem to be saying “you” a lot, but are advising people to point the finger outward. I said aloud, “This is dangerous psychology.” Telling people to put up boundaries can be useful, sometimes necessary, and it might be a good idea to watch out for “social vampires” as they are defined within, but that’s only half of the story.
We have all been on the flip side.
Yes, you have been a social vampire and have rudely crossed many boundaries. Nowhere in the articles did the author mention that truth. Over half of the battle in dealing with psychological issues is eliminating them within ourselves. If we, each individual, were never acting as a social vamp, when would it be useful to point one out or discuss healthy ways to deal with them? If everyone would learn more about respecting other’s boundaries the number of boundary crossers would go down immensely—leaving only accidental crossings. Those can be forgiven quickly.
I am not suggesting that the blog is a bad blog, or that the author is shortsighted. This is not the only source for this concern. Psychology Today published an article about boundaries in August of 2016 titled, “4 Ways to Set and Keep Your Personal Boundaries… and how to get yourself out when all efforts fail.” This is a better article than the blog post, yet there it was again, ignoring completely the issue of when the reader may have crossed boundaries or how to cross less themselves. There is no doubt sometimes we wish to erect boundaries against those we have offended or tried to manipulate—keep in mind manipulation takes many forms and is often not a “conscious” behavior. And, even with these criticisms I believe these authors are likely helping people deal with genuine issues for which they didn’t know how or where to start. But to all the future would be psychology writers, remember to challenge your audience, to have them look in the mirror first. What can you do for yourself, and concerning yourself, before pointing fingers outwardly. Don’t be only willing to acknowledge when we are abused or minimally ignored, but also know when we are the abusers, and we should hold ourselves accountable first before making the mistake of manipulating others with what we think are boundaries, when they may just be excuses to disconnect from what would be healthy connection.
I recommend hard determinism as a tool to begin a new era of personal realization. See my series Biosophics Anonymous for more guidance of what I see as a healthier way to see the lives we lead.
One of the largest and most troublesome issues facing modern life and the future of the species may very well be the mind itself. More than just a brain, the mind is also our output. What we say, how we behave, and the way we interpret the world around us. This has led to the failing of police systems, the joke of a government possessed here in the United States, and the problems of inequality and bigotry. How to change the world has always been a huge question of mine, which I believe needs an answer. So to further that goal, I have had an idea.Read More »
When one is forced into a new living situation, I believe it is important to nest early. What I mean by that specifically is to gather and begin setting up the things which make individuals feel the most like themselves. For me, it is a few decorations, office space, and my books. And after several days of lifting and shifting, things are finally coming together. Read More »
So, I’ve complained and expressed a lot of hurt based on interpersonal relationships on this old blog. Not going to do that here today, but I do have a question to ask.
“What makes a strong person?”Read More »
All this fierce debate, social media turmoil, and protest have the United States and the world on the edge of their seats. Everyone suddenly has a learned and fierce opinion on politics. When I say everyone, I mean those who didn’t previously have their opinions pinned to the top of a page or as a profile picture. Conservatives, liberals, anarchists, introverts and extroverts alike, all have many words, pictures (“memes”), and articles to contribute to the current civil scene. This is not intrinsically a bad thing. In many ways, the country I live in is now at its most divided and resolute I have ever observed. Information is coming more readily from peers than from the media for the first time in my life. Yet, there are the remaining issues which the US now faces head on, but I’m only going to address one of those—misogyny, or perhaps “male privilege” is a better word, so let’s go with that.Read More »
We are all familiar with an ideal intrinsic to the nation’s identity, “the pursuit of happiness.” Since this phrase, coined by John Locke1, became popularized in the late 18th century, its become something the US culture has deemed a right. Even when the pursuit of happiness seems unachievable, there is a notion that you should keep seeking it. This is represented in media and marketing at a rampant rate. Try entering “Happiness” to any search engine for books, you will be assaulted with thousands upon thousands of titles. I tried it with Amazon, as of today 233,832 results come up in the 3.5 seconds it took for the screen to populate. Read More »