Morning Meditations #128: The Fertilizer of Resentment

Now it’s time to bitch about exes.

Just kidding. I need to spend a little time explaining a large change in our lives. Ivy and I have decided to move after hearing that the neighborhood didn’t want us there anymore. “Why?” you may ask. Well, the short of it is the landlord’s desire for the landlord to raise the rent; the long of it is emotionally driven.

We all know I have behaved badly. Whether it be relationship fights or drumming at 02:00 (quietly as possible), I have been the cause of much trouble in the lives of loved ones and fellow citizens, as well, I have been the victim of some judgmental neighbors and abusive partners. The result has been a well lived in home, and an angry neighborhood.

All that said, I decided it would be best for us to relocate. The new destination is, in fact, not new. The home has been in the family for a few years, and we have taken over. Many opportunities now arise.

Ivy has never had to go to a new school or relocate during her early to current adolescence. Humans not being intrinsically sedimentary, I feel like the experience of a new school and a new home may actually serve a greater purpose.

As far as myself, something I have expressed to others during the last week is: I have fought for our home, a rental, for far too long. To tell the truth, I am not sure for what I was fighting. Much pain has been suffered behind that door on Red Bud. Behind the door, in the cul-de-sac, and across the back fence, there seems to be no shortage of sadness surrounding the old location. For a long time, I assumed I stayed as a resistance to running from problems. Now, I realize that I had only been avoiding leaving—avoiding moving on.

This is a struggle all passionate people will have to face. Our passions are what drive our daily behaviors, therefore letting go of some of those things can feel wrong, never to feel any better. We then move to working on letting go of the negative feelings left when letting go makes us feel even worse. This is where I am at. I know that letting go is the answer to my disappointment on having to leave my home of several years. Letting go of the home has yielded much success.

I know to not let go will only lead to resentment of those people and situations leading to my move.

I am also having success in that too. Whether they were breaking lamps in the street while screaming at me, the failure of my academic goals, or shaming from or over these factors, nothing particular or negative will be said. Sometimes being accused of not showing affection or throwing a raucous party when there wasn’t one inspires me to show even more compassion and understanding. While I don’t wish to be abused or lied about, that won’t change the fact life is what it is, and we all have to deal with it. I hope you’re all doing well with your struggles, as I attempt to do well with mine.

If you wish to know the new location of NWA Atheists HQ, or are only seeking to know more about my situation, feel free to message me.

Good Morning Meditations.

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2 thoughts on “Morning Meditations #128: The Fertilizer of Resentment

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