Morning Meditations: #80: My Healing Rage

This morning I watched Monty Williams talk about the death of his wife and the lives of his children, and how he would be placing all things in god’s hands because that’s what matters. What a selfish thing to say.

My paraphrased summary sounds like this, “I now condemn all my children to believe and feel like I do because this is hard.” Nice. Glad they have likely brainwashed the kids before hands, so that the damage and delusion are already in place. They will get great solidarity from imagining themselves placing sorrow in god’s hands while they actually go to grief counseling, cry for many holidays in years to come, and if they’re unlucky, succumb to trauma pathologies. No wonder these fucking religious fucks like god. They do all the work themselves to cope, and then blame an invisible deity who has had no problem robbing thousands of life and loved ones this very.

I guess it would be too much to ask for them to look in the mirror and give their own minds, community, and people around them credit. I also have to guess that they would believe themselves sinful for accepting the environment and evolution which helped them cope and maintain life goals alone, rather than supernatural forces.

Of course, an intellectual religious person will realize that they don’t have a leg to stand on since it is literally physical reality which gives them their (this is not an insult, deciding “God did it” is embarrassingly simple minded) simple minded religious beliefs in the first place. So they move on, brain turned off numbing the actual pain this universe doles out. As long as they feel safe, no need to worry about the world and nation, act well and put it in god’s hands. Maybe somebody in a bar will give them attention, god’s will, you know, then it’ll be all okay; or maybe they’ll get that PhD, or win the Superbowl. God was looking out for them while some child in Alabama starves to death. Monty Williams is being a pretentious jerk when he calls on god at a funeral for a tragedy. He is also a huge failure at being an intelligent and responsible father when he blames America for letting the influence of Satan into lives. Pathological simplemindedness at it’s most harmful.

I understand he is in immeasurable pain. But to fall apart in this way is the most irresponsible response to death by an intelligent person I have seen recently. I mean, if Ted Cruz or The Donald is saying this stuff, I’ll buy it; they are trying to strike it more rich. Charlantry has made many people more rich for a very long time, especially in the wold or religion. Yet, to hear a father responsible for conditioning his children to succeed and think clearly, this is the worst time to fall into mental illness and unhealthy habits. That being said, I don’t blame him. He just lost the person he chose with to grow old. I have acted poorly at times myself. Of course I have conditioned myself out of his type of behavior.

And today I make a proclamation. I am officially on the warpath.

I don’t think I’ll become a narcissistic (or potentially nihilistic) troll, but I’m okay with that outcome. From here on out, if I see a religious, new age, Dali Lama, someone trying to meditation into the next snake oil, or platitude from somebody with a career and family come across my feed, expect to be called out. I imagine I will be labeled a hater, angry, rude, and told to fuck myself some more. And I will also be ignored, unfriended, blocked, disowned, etc.

Fuck it. I practice mindfulness meditation daily, yoga daily, loveandkindness-and-forgiveness meditation regularly, walking meditation regularly, and try to practice everything one can imagine with mindfulness practices. Oh, I have been changed alright.

These practices bring me great peace, not happiness. The quite in my mind has revealed, among many, many things, that our culture is obsessed with being happy, and it is a fucking sickness. I’m not “happy,” but I’m bright, patient, powerful, sensual, hard-working, bold, athletic, empathetic, and a family man to name the first qualities that come to mind. Is that not enough? Is it truly like religion in our country? Born sick and commanded to be well; born human and forced to be happy. That is disturbing, and if there was a deity, sinful.

I will add I don’t intend on being rude and condescending in these efforts. Just know if you are posting them, or babbling publicly about them, I now see your mental illness and will be empathic but stern.

No one element cures a disease. It takes many elements to see one through. I come now as a small, simple, but wrathful force in this quest to save us from the addiction to happiness.

So to that end. Here is my first piece of advice.

MM 80
This is Rance, here. Your fuckingkindness meditation instructor. Get off the happy platitude sauce and listen to the world around you. It screams for help, while you are at work “being strong.”

Feel sad, angry, jealous, mean, depressed, vengeful, dare I say, unhappy and know—with absolute certainty—you are whole and okay without anything else outside of your brain and direct environment. You don’t need mystical energies; fuck god, fuck happiness, fuck anger, fuck spirits, fuck souls, fuck love, and many times a day, tell your own feelings to fuck off. None of it has to drive your life, but all of these concepts are in the back seat like a car full of kids, bitching a screaming about every little desire and want. Squabbling for attention, but you wouldn’t turn the wheel over to any of them, now would you.

The “mirror” will be your test, and I am your ally.


3 thoughts on “Morning Meditations: #80: My Healing Rage

  1. I’m with you. I will fully understand quantum mechanics before I even grasp a hint of any logic in the masochistic platitudes I hear and see plastered on church signs everyday, or understand how seemingly intelligent people so blindly ascribe to them. It is frightening. This is in stark contrast to an earlier blog around the holidays where you expressed acceptance of people’s beliefs, what changed?

    • Acceptance is still true. I understand that balls of chemical reactions have these emergent consciousnesses, thusly emergent beliefs rationalized by, you guessed it, emergent perceptions. That being said. And it has been a difficult decision period with what to do with all of this acceptance, with the underlying principle of continuing to move the center of culture one word at a time. You and I have spoken about the quandary one faces when letting go of rage. This is me trying to healthily use my baseline temperament to continue to make a difference.

  2. I can understand that. I ask because acceptance is something I ponder almost daily, and I have and still am spending a lot of time formulating a stance on. To clarify I am not trying to tell people what they should or should not believe. I ‘understand’ that people have different beliefs, but find that acceptance, in the ultra-liberalist sense adopted by today’s society, is depreciative of, and contradictory to most of those beliefs. Especially theologically speaking. This is a tiny speck of the real question, but I’ve reached a point where I am struggling to accept any logic from anybody with such illogical beliefs. How can I take seriously a bunch of grown people running around believing in Santa Claus?

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