I am happy to report that I finally experienced a failed yogurt culture. It’s been a few months since I began cultivating, and I had yet to experience a failed batch, indeed, I had only had a cups worth go to spoil in all that time. I believe this batch failed because I didn’t use enough starter culture. The recipe calls for ½ cup of starter, and I may have been up to an ounce shy, or half of what I needed. The result smelled like yogurt but kept the consistency of milk. Having sat for ten hours and being too thin to be a yogurty anything, I put the batch down the sink. I’ve already been to the store to replace my starter culture and will be beginning again within the next few days.
On other sadnesses, just yesterday I proudly wandered the world with a budding relationship as
a part of my good mornings and good evenings. I enjoyed the way it began, slowly. Talking and laughing. Kisses and hand holding. Granny and fire pits. So pretty, you know? Then last night, out of the blue, at the height of it all, my mentioning that “I am a good ape,” revealed that if I were going to continue to refer to people as apes, which of course I am, then she couldn’t be a part of my life. She turned, walked through the house, out the front door, climbed into her maroon sedan, and rolled out. Her final words to me have thus far been, “Peace out,” via text.
I’m pretty shocked. On the surface, this wasn’t a “religious” thing. Okay, I freely admit to agree with the thought that any superstitious view could invariably have a religious connotation, as religions have been hijacking the “spiritual” part of the mind for countless epochs. Contrarily, this seemed to be agitation at the suggestion that we are descended, and continue to be descended, from a common ancestor with all modern apes. Pretty big deal, for the whole science, medicine, diet, behavior explanation for anything remotely human.
Let me go on record and stress that this isn’t something I need to believe in, as it is true. Also on record, I would like to remind the Gentle Reader that physics dictates if our cell phones work then we are indeed descended from an ape like ancestor. There have been books written about this interdisciplinary subject, and this has been the polite way of stating my position. Here is what I feel like saying, because, as dramatic as this next rant will be, it is of crucial importance to the health of my home:
“And further more, please don’t insult humanity by suggesting that it required something other than the natural order of the universe for us to be here. Excuse me, but it necessarily took 10.5 billion years of priceless evolution on a universal scale, and then another three-plus billion years of unbroken biological evolution, that’s right, over three billion years of daughter cell after daughter cell, parent after parent, child after child relationships at the biochemical level for this universe to come up with something as majestic as each and everyone of us. No help from any source outside the self. We are crafted by the forge of evolution to be the toughest fucking specie of hominid that will ever exist. Sure something will come after us, and here is the truth about that specie. They’ll deserve to be here as much as we do. To not respect that is to disrespect every walking, talking, sick, healthy, fat, thin, human on the crust of this tiny fucking fireball of a fucking planet. So there.”
Phew, I do feel better. Ivy just walked up behind me and in a super sweet voice asks, “Can you turn my light on in my room, please.” Puts the yogurt and everything else into perspective. I am disappointed, but then again, the world is less than perfect. Thanks for reading y’all.