Morning Meditations #52: Back In Action

12242141_10205857127451280_1643413156_nMorning Meditations have been on quite the little hiatus. In my defense, there have been many things pressing on me, and obligations due my attention. If being truthful, I also have had a form of writer’s block. A say “a form,” because I have written plenty since the last MM. Maybe not 1k a day like my challenge dictates, but quite a bit. The “block” has rather been a lack of strong motivation and inspiration for fiction, article, and essay. Where to go from here? This being my one-hundredth blog entry, I had debated some fanfare and self-congratulations. But that seems a little gratuitous considering how much more joyful work I have to do, how much more there is to learn, and the multitudes of experiences that are yet to come. That being the case, I celebrate with this entry in itself; feeling nothing but gratitude for the opportunity to holler at all my audience once again.

When one finds themselves “stuck” in a cycle of behavior or lacks a custom cycle, perhaps the best way to initiate a set of behaviors can be to pull up your skirt and jump. Getting back into the swing of writing and posting will be facilitated by the very act of cranking some work out. Toward that end, I will get back on the horse to provide you, my Gentle Readers, with the window into my existence to which so very many of you have supported me, and expressed your own gratitude. So, without further recess, my inspiration jump start begins like this.

The GRE having gone about as well as I could have hoped, it is now time to finish the grad school application process. This involves the final edits of my portfolio. Outside of that, everything is ready for that leap.

On the subject of Ivy and I, we’ve never been better. This is true because I have never been more honest and kind to myself. The trickle down of this results in a daily sense of discovery. Not of the new or novel per se, but rather, of what has always been there but too hidden by pathology to be readily gifted upon the world around me. What is this gift? There is no label I would choose to put upon it, but if one needed a label to at least conceive of what I speak, go with transparent wholeheartedness. This doesn’t come without a price.

When the world (more specifically the people on it) can see so much of someone, the feeling of being connected to that someone at a deep level comes instinctively. So, when a true connection comes, the time period of getting to know someone can be skipped or realties of communication ignored. My price recently being a few slaps to the mug by someone whom had their feelings hurt because of not heeding my open, honest communications. Then when faced with my upholding of well stated boundaries, anger and resentment ended up being the only gift they had left for me. This ended our friendship, as I have a daughter upon which I will not subject violence like that (she was asleep the moment it happened so she didn’t have to witness). I am happy to report that I felt anger to this attacker, but did not retaliate with the rage so common in my life. Rather, compassion for their pain is what came to me seconds after the assault. I believe Loveandkindness meditation conditioned me to have that response rather than an alternative.

This leads to a report on my meditative practices: hit and miss like my writing practices. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t had some major events and breakthroughs, like my writing. Sadly, I will not be describing them here, in this post. Happily, they will be described in detail in a forthcoming mini series of posts about a recent getaway.

Most of my close friends are aware that I went on this short writing and meditation retreat at the beginning of the month. Writing and meditating well during this retreat, I can hardly wait to tell the world about it. Also, I am excited to finish posting “Pathmaker,” so that more fiction can be posted for public workshopping (which, by the way, nobody has participated in at all; not sure what that means or whether it is a good, bad, or neutral sign). There is another major joy that has been developing in my life, but that, like my retreat stories, will be writing about in future posts. My heart flutters at the thought.

As always, I thank all of you for reading and being a part of my journey as it unfolds. Prost!

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