It seems like forever since my last MM, but now that the GRE is behind me I can focus on artistry rather than academics. I realize that quite often there is a fine line between the two for me, and this is a fact I regularly cherish. As well, the over voluminous right brain of mine is crazy stoked. When describing the desire to do original composition before the test a friend of mine compared it to an itch that I couldn’t reach, although it felt more like an itch on the sole of your foot while driving; I could have scratched it, but that may have ended in tragedy. Seems I am out of the woods and plan on scratching until I draw blood (okay, a little dramatic, but worth the analogy).
Speaking of blood, when I saw my little brother the other day, I couldn’t help but be entirely validated on my physical changes. Little Brother has always known me as his fat, hairy much older brother. I imagine nearly all of his references to me would be made in that light. So, when he climbed out of his car the other day in front Perry’s house (my musical partner in crime for all of you that are new readers or readers who may have forgotten). The look on his face, which he has only had in regard to me one other time, spoke a million words.
The other time I speak of is the first time he ever witnessed me play drums in a professional performance situation. After the show, I found him in the crowd. He looked to me with a giant smile, wide eyes and said, “You are so good at that.” We laughed together in that moment. You know, to tell the truth, I don’t remember which show that was. This second time he wore the same look and said, “Whoa, you look so different.” He admittedly hardly recognized me standing aside the street to flag him down. Not only did it provide some outside validation to my new look, but provided some future validation for my next moves as far as health and beauty goes (nothing like using the word “beauty” and myself in the same sentence to get me giggling). Let me explain this a little further.
During the last ten days (in truth it has been six weeks, but only a few hours in a twenty-four hour period until the last ten days), I have studied hard for the GRE (I got a 157 on which is just under highly competitive, I could have done better, no shame) which has left my workout and meditation habbits lacking. Obviously MMs suffered, as well as two relapse anger and acting out events, which I connect to missing some of the absence of sacrificed habits and lifestyle changes. Not that I haven’t moved forward during post study times or anything like that, but I seem to have taken a few steps back in other regards. Shrug, not going to cry over spilled Pumpkin Spice Lattes.
This makes the coming goals simple and a three-part process. First, get the workouts, meditations, and MMs back on track. Second, get graduate school application package together and sent off, this seems academic, but it is actually the opposite. All that stuff is editing things I have already written, and that brings me almost as much joy as composing, indeed, it is just like composition sometimes.
Thirdly, there is new music coming too. Grab your butts, this shit is about to come unglued.