Morning Meditations #48: Die Cut Maple Leaves and Jack O’ Lanterns

Nothing like the essay section of my GRE book can get me in a better mood when I am feeling low.

This morning I did first session of volunteer work for my daughters K teacher, Mrs. Smith. This involved die cutting fall shapes: bat (the animal), football (they didn’t have an oval shape so I secretly used the inside of the 4” “O”), maple leaf, Jack ‘o lanterns, etc. from construction paper. A great time and everyone who wandered through the work room said, “Hello,” and smiled at me. My visitor badge must have made the staff giddy with free labor. Although, I’m sure that they do appreciate the parents who volunteer.

The first of many jobs I will likely do for my daughter's education.
The first of many jobs I will likely do for my daughter’s education.

I finished up with them at about ten minutes until 9:00 and took them back to the classroom. This is when Mrs. Smith (Nancy) introduced me via Ivy. “Ivy, would you like to tell the class who this gentleman is?” Ivy looked to me and for a two seconds she drew a blank on why someone who looked just like her father stood in the classroom doorway. Once it dawned on her, a smile spread across her face, She said loudly and proudly, “Daddy.” I wished her well, as Nancy dismissed me with a statement about how I probably needed to return to work. Which is where I ended the experience and began to fight through lowness mentioned at the beginning of this entry.

Ivy’s Nana stayed over last night because she didn’t have work today and made the mistake of asking how I was doing. I had to tell her, like I do most of the time when we talk about this stuff, that I felt low and frustrated at my inability to work the jobs I used to and the lack of work I have found since undergraduating. She began to offer all of the wonderful things I know about myself, which obviously just makes me feel worse when I think of how few dollars I earn right now but how supremely awesome and strong I am. It is a fascinating thing that I can be a total underachiever and bad-ass mother-fucker at the same time. She finally buzzed off a little while ago with the mission of cutting curtains from some donated cloth via my homie, Chris. This cleared my environment for meditation and study.

I only used a ten minute morning meditation of being with breath today, as I used my time earlier for housework and then, of course, the volunteer gig. But, as I said, the section in the book, which happened to be the last section, featured essay writing. Needless to say, I found this section to be repeating many points that I already knew about in class essay writing. I did take the time to read it carefully, but it often felt like I could recite the words as I read them. So, now it is all up to me, keep practicing math and vocabulary, review the reading and analysis sections of my book, and then take the damn thing on Friday.

I have everything ready for grad-school application except for my transcript and have really enjoyed this process, but I have to admit, happiness will be present once the application process is done, and I can get back to writing my novel along with the other projects which have lay dormant for over a month.


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