Meditation ended up being an awesome experience today. One finds the power of positive self talk when learning various meditative arts tecniques. This is the genesis of the Lovingkindness meditation, loving the self firstly and lastly. This morning though, I engaged in strategic self talk. This involves waiting until I become aware of a daydream, then I catch it with my proactive, attentive self. I ask a few simple questions of the daydream (myself) and see where the images and story take me. If something begins to cause anxiety within the moment, I stop and take notice. Looking at the imagined event which is causing me distress. I step away, and my emotions take the wheel for a moment. I let my mind be sad or joyous. I laugh or cry; it depends on the way a thought hits me. I become ultimately vulnerable to myself, to what my many minds believe. Once I have been in that story line for a few breaths and embraced the fear or excitement, I let it go. I stop thinking and feeling and find my breath again.
Today I traveled further on my Mala than I ever have, going to the mirror bead seven times. After my mind became comfortable with the ebb and flow of my method, I started to see a pattern of thoughts emerge. Mission statements and high minded projects began to take over my train of thought. The pain and sadness went away, replaced by ambitious brilliance. I began to place bookmarks in the more notable these Cartesian scenes.
The flowering of inspiration began to take my breath away. I even trembled as the process of thinking, noticing, marking, and ultimately letting go began to run seamlessly with my breath. I had a moment of such intense joy that a couple of gasps escaped and a few tears came rolling down my stubbled cheeks. In that moment, I felt like I had the best ideas of anyone on the planet; plans and decisions began to crystallize.
I came from that meditation knowing what I must do today and how to move a little closer to my goals. Today it took the form of finalizing first drafts of my Teaching Statement and Statement of Purpose for grad school. The direction of these two documents had been rather elusive until this morning’s meditation. It did take me several hours to get only 550 words together (650 really, but I need to loose 100 words off of the Statement of Purpose). I have contacted many of my support cast and even emailed a copies to one of my most trusted advisers. To do this felt fantastic.
With weeks to go before the early admissions deadline, finding this inspiration is perfectly timed, with plenty of time to make adjustments to subsequent drafts available (hell, one of my team literally just brought a copy of a draft into my room and began telling me what I did wrong, gotta love workshopping).
More math and practice tests to come early this week. I am so ready. *giggle*