Yesterday, I almost made a huge mistake. I almost let a negative emotion guide my writing. I wrote for hours for the wrong reason. I felt impassioned to intellectually destroy an article because of it’s source, well, and it is a weak article. Yet, weak articles cannot normally make it on to my radar. If someone posts some vaguish or contrived article, I just let it go by. Yet, this particular post is a sub-par post for what I would have expected. Not to mention the subject matter is something I feel very strongly about. Double whammy.
So in true form, I joyfully began researching and absolutely crushing this article damn near word by word. After hours at the West Fork Library had passed, and I began my edits. I was overcome with dissatisfaction. I knew this feeling. It was old jealousy trying to tempt me once again. With my new outlook and quality of thought, it had taken the guise of intellectual pursuit. The more I read the more I felt like this criticism didn’t grow from the fertile ground of help and health, where I strive to write. What a close one.
It wasn’t that the article didn’t deserve to be torn apart, and I think that it was irresponsible to post this article. I would love to find out why, and what part of the article called to the person posting it. Did it just have the word “mindfulness” in it, and therefore, deserved to be posted. There were a lot of sales pitches in it for various Dr.’s and self-helpers. Using terms like “Vitamin C” and “temper” in connection to a practice that is about letting go and being empty of, well, ourselves. Articles like this tell people that meditation can do X and Y like it will cure you, before finally giving a nod to what will really matter, a commitment to the self, while never once really putting it that way. There I have criticized the article which I will not be sharing, as I do not want to contribute to the wasted bandwidth of misinformation. Not saying the article has to nothing to offer, but I choose not to endorse it.
I am glad I admitted that my first effort wasn’t wholehearted, I feel better having admitted my original failure, then coming back to say what I really mean without any consideration of where it came from. Not to mention, I am not truly jealous of anyone. A moment of weakness which I caught and mitigated any damage which could have been done. Shit, that is something worthy of hours of meditation and hours of joy.
30. A lack of jealousy. I feel jealous sometimes, and then I remember people who get things I also deserve have lost something they deserved. Then I feel empathy and wish them luck with the opportunity I missed or trashed.