This weekend for the first time in a long while, I had a gathering at my house. I think everyone had a really good time. Some of us became more inebriated than others. Some of us cried, but we all laughed. We got to know each other better and were able to share our stories with people who are more than willing to listen. The whole evening is still beautiful in my mind. My new way of living, loving, and thinking pays off everyday in every way. This is still true despite having to study math for a few hours.
I will say the math studies were a mixed bag of experiences. While I did have some good wins and am likely better at math than I have been since Mathematical Thought (my last math class for the undergraduate work), taking that class the semester after College Algebra. The down side is that I wasn’t even studying math at the GRE level, we were covering basic arithmetic, like dividing fractions. I felt like a fifth grader, and at nearly thirty-eight it is uncomfortable to say the least. I thought I would be studying math once or twice a week, but it is very evident that will not cut it. I am going to have to step up my game yet again, but this is something I have a good track record of—stepping up.
One of the people at the my soirée this past weekend has some personal issues which we have discussed often. He and I talked at length the next morning. I showed the first part of a project I am finishing up for one of, if not the, most important person to have ever influenced my life. I read some of it to him. He soon asked about my life changes. Meditation, work-outs, and the single life, then asked me to help him develop his own system of meditation. He had taken some classes, but had only been able to take a limited amount away from these. Which is understandable. The entire benefit I have received from meditation exists within the notion of discipline. This is a not so hidden secret of mediators who make it a life’s goal to walk the path of meditation on a daily basis. Yet, I believe it is still understated.
There are many goals and benefits, but the desire to be consistent with myself is flat out life altering. By comparison it is easy to be consistent with someone else, but hold that mirror up and the excuses for behavior start rolling out. “No, no, I have to do this thing because this other thing dictates that I must.” Bullshit. If you want something for yourself you will do it. Everything we ever even think about doing is presented with a system of obstacles, a gauntlet if you will. Example: I began making probiotic homemade yogurt last night and today. This required a new culture, different from the one I had been using. That culture lasted two months without introducing even a single cell of new, but it didn’t have the strains considered truly probiotic. I started this new batch from scratch. I’ll keep everyone up to date as new the culture grows older, but my hunch is that it’ll be fantastic. There are very few obstacles in that story. Yet it involves store trips, containers, patience, and so on. This is a scale model of everything we ever want to do. I quit smoking. The obstacles were many. Still got it done. Getting morning meditations out nearly everyday, obstacles, done. We can do this. What ever it is, we have it in us. If anyone else in my audience believes that a meditative practice would help them, or to just talk about the benefits and hardships of starting a meditative practice, please, please, please contact me. I don’t know if mindfulness saved my life, but I can tell you for certain it helped me get it back.
Something I love about my self is:
25. My ability to sprint. The degenerative back condition seemed to suggest that I cannot sprint anymore. Or perhaps I should say, I shouldn’t sprint any longer. I have to tell my readers, this is horrible for someone who identifies as an athlete. The depression that back pain introduced into my life was consuming me. “Was” being the key here. This weekend I sprinted; it was only about twenty yards at a time, but I was fast. The wind blowing past me and being able to transverse the yard in nine to eleven strides felt fantastic. I will be sprinting more.