Morning Meditations #22: I Feel Full, Whole, and Loved

Today I will have a difficult time showing more gratitude than I already feel. There will likely be issues with loving more than I already do, and with trying harder than I already try. What makes me think these things?

I wrote a book review about Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, and in that book he talks about keeping our “love tanks” full. That is where I am at. The amount of care and support I have felt over the last week has left me in tears and speechless over and over and over again. New voices mixed with old friends have reflected what I am capable of as well as the work I have put in. The reflection is more beautiful than I would have thought possible. My imagination has always toyed with the notion of being able to touch people’s lives and hearts on a grand scale. To be living your dream, if even only for a moment, that is rare. And for the moment, you, my audience, each and everyone of you, are giving that gift to me. Thank you.

I will begin studying for the GRE today. That being said, I won’t be focused on test material just yet, as there are many ducks I have to get into line before it’s time to hit the books again for organized academia. This is being facilitated by the most amazing human to have influenced my life. Indeed she influences every part of my life. She keeps stepping up, and I will keep working to show her my deepest appreciation. Things are always complicated. These feelings are the exception that proves that rule, as my love for her is of the simplest and largest kind.

Behold! This is Magic Coffee.
Behold! This is Magic Coffee.

I will need more than her help, and love to achieve this goal, and indeed.  Next to me as I write is a dry-erase board with four tasks that must be completed before hard study can begin. I look forward to knocking them out early in this game. I feel that if those things are lined up and in harmony with one another, all will go smoothly, not necessarily successfully, but smoothly. Which is a type of success anyway if one thinks about it the way I do.

I mentioned on an old friend’s Facebook if I could get paid to do anything for the rest of my life, what would it be? I said to write and teach. I had lost some of my mojo for becoming a professor with all the physical and mental difficulties I faced over the last year, but with a full “love tank,” I feel like anything will be possible. I imagine that all of you who know me best, and some of you that only know me through these posts, would agree.

17. My hands. My fucking hands are gorgeous. Their size, strength, shape, veins, you name it and my hands have it. Someone ought to use me as a hand model because these things are one of my sexiest parts (of which the catalog is growing.).


2 thoughts on “Morning Meditations #22: I Feel Full, Whole, and Loved

  1. Like driving on a foggy morning… steering wheel gripped, barely able to see ahead. Knowing the road is there, and then the fog starts to lift, the road is in sight! The exhaled breath of relief knowing you’re going to make it to your destination! SO proud your fog is lifting and you’re on the way to your destination… it’s going to be amazing!! And once again, you’ve lifted another person (me).

    • Some of my favorite moments about driving in fog is knowing your destination will come no matter what, but having to slow down and really pay attention to our surroundings. In this, caution and beauty comes naturally, we don’t even have to try. We only have to be on the road, and we’ll get there.

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