Today I will treat myself to adventure and joy. There are those places on the planet where no matter what’s going on in life we seem to be at home. This morning, it is within my own body. I had the most glorious experience meditating and practicing mindful yoga in an environment that seemed like something out of a fantasy novel. I always face west when I do morning meditation to remind myself there will be an entire day before the sun will set. The bright-orange full moon sat just above the tree line that is the western horizon from my mother’s back deck. There were two thin wisps of cloud slicing into the glowing disc. The image, I hope, will never leave me. Before I settled into being with my breath, I noticed the subtle change in the moon as it sank slowly below the trees, observing the speed with which our natural satellite moves when it is that close to the horizon. I then closed my eyes and felt my breath. I began to experience my body. The rise and fall with each breath, the cool breezes that pulled at my shirt and skin, the firmness of the deck under a thin cushion of a folded towel, and the quietness of my mind all came to the fore.
Sometimes the sensations were so powerful they took my breath away, literally. I let the pull of my muscles and the pinch in my lower back be the platform for consciousness. My mind wandered little. Once I reached the end of my postures, a full body flex from a sitting position, my eyelids slid open to reveal a slightly different world.
The moon had gone; the sky had begun to brighten, and I felt a happiness and fullness that can only come from knowing yourself. This of course means knowing (1) you can never completely know yourself, similarly to the fact that you can never totally know someone else, and (2) that everyday is a process of discovery.
Soon, I will be able to help many of my academic friends and family with editing their work. It is true that I took one of, if not the, most difficult grammar course offered to undergraduates. I got a “D.” Doesn’t seem too impressive does it? Yet, I personally know nobody who has passed the course including English TAs except for the professor, Doc Madison, and she was a grad student when she conquered the course. I continue to study the material today, four months after graduation. I will use this talent to lift these loved ones up, making one of my goals their goals.
Something I love about myself is:
13. My will power. “I am not a relapse candidate.” Over the last couple of days it has come to my attention that I am, on several levels, an anomaly. If there are odds to beat, I am rolling the dice exceedingly well right now. Quitting smoking cold turkey with almost no support network (this is not to say that people weren’t supporting me, but the amount of people that went out of their way to help me quit was very small), loosing weight at almost forty, strengthening through a degenerative back disorder, single father, and my list continues after this. Not saying I am Neo, but day-um! One has to question at this point.