Today I will express gratitude for my healing. Yesterday I shared a Facebook post from TED1 about how to overcome depression. The comment that appeared came from someone, who like me, chose a different way to heal themselves than some doctors would have suggested. Although my path was known to me immediately, he did not have such an easy time trying to find something that worked for him. In his quest he lost nearly everything that he had held dear. I will not burden readers with that here, but if you want to be truly inspired to be healthy outside of medication, check out the comments from the post. Inspires the hell out of me.
First show of gratitude, thank you everyone for making this my most successful blogging year thus far. When I started this blog three years ago I was a different man. Person even. Not just because of all of the work I am doing now, or because it is technically impossible to be the person you were yesterday, let alone three years ago. What I mean is the very process of stick with something like this combined with those other two factors, plus the influence of others that I have met since then have literally turned me into to something new. A person who’s mother is still having issues even recognizing the son she has known for nearly thirty-eight years. This blog has been a huge tool for this transformation. Maybe the most important. My shrink calls my writing an outlet, which is true. Yet, “outlet” is an incomplete understanding. This blog gives me an element of performance which had been missing for five long years.
I have been a performance artist for twenty-one years until a little after Ivy was born. It isn’t on her, the studio became more expensive than the band could afford, even though there were five of us it wasn’t enough. I speak of this notion in “The Story of an Arkansas Atheist Pt. 5” when I quote a Clutch song at the very end of the post.
Today I will show both of my doctors that I am the hardest working patient they have. This is always a mission of mine anytime I can put work in for myself or someone else (more of the new me coming out).
Today I will work on a resumé between doctors’ visits. The income thing is my greatest source of anxiety. I still have others sources, but this one takes the cake. In our culture a male without income is seen as a sad and pathetic beast. Even though I have worked nearly all of my adult life at a waged job, we are a “what have you done for me lately?” society. I plan on answering that question today with the finishing of my resumé.
Something I love about my self is:
10. My changing body. My workouts have been increasing steadily and now some real results are showing up after just a few weeks. Abs are coming in, my arms are becoming more detailed, and the love handles are melting away.