Today I will feel joy for something that hurts me. This has been the discussion in my head based on some of the research that I have done in the last few days. The point of emphasis driving my internal dialogue? The principle of embracing pain throughout the process of mindful mediation. Pain as a learning point hasn’t been the focus, rather, the tools one can use to make sure that focus is kept on the process when pain comes up during meditation can change the way our mind deals with pain and discomfort. I look forward to more practice.
Today I will feel joy because I had a chance to loose joy. The principle behind this statement is while I may be feeling sadness and rejection now, I know this will not always be the case. Soon I will be able to take a step back and really appreciate all that I have had the opportunity to have, but have yet to seal of the “deal.” This is not a bad thing intrinsically. It is currently a source of suffering in my life, nobody would argue that, but this reveals how incredibly lucky I can be sometimes. In order to have suffered as I have (which is not to say that I suffer more than anyone else) one has to first be lucky enough to have had the opportunity to fail at your most important goals. How much joy is wrapped up in trying to feel and believe in everything those opportunities had to offer me? I am still working on that daily. It seems I have seized the day, but not reached the goal.
I will show gratitude to stave off taking things for granted.
I was asked to write down thirty things I love about myself by someone I wish to never take for granted. Excited, I began to run the list in my head, then she said, “I’m asking everybody.” This is a bit of a let down, as I hoped the questions were a sign of how special I am to her, which I am, just not too special right now. Here again, there is an opportunity to do something for myself, and even though the request feels impersonal now, I will make it personal by making it part of my morning meditation. So for at least the next thirty entries, there will be a numbered entry at the bottom of every morning meditation for at least thirty days. Who knows, may work for the world if others start doing it, and/or if I move past the thirty things requested I begin to discover hundreds of things that I love about myself it may even be inspirational.
My primary goal for the day is to see the present.
One of the things I love about myself is:
1. My unending devotion to those that allow me to stay in their lives (or are not allowed to give me permission to exit: Ivy. I still love it despite her apparent“trapped” state of existence, for now).